Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Contact Sport?

Angelina lost a tooth during soccer ... during practice ... well, really AFTER practice ... she knocked herself in the face with an orange cone.

It dropped into the grass and we couldn't find it.

Good thing the Tooth Fairy takes signed affidavits.

Heart dripping

Lexie was cuddling with Annabelle in the car while I dashed about getting things ready for swim lessons. "Mommy" she called "Mommy, Down Syndrome is just too much!" I was a little shocked and asked her how she thought it was too much. "It's just too much, it just makes me love Annabelle so much I feel like it's dripping out of my heart!"

What a beautiful thing for a little 5 year old to say about her darling little 3 year old sister.

I told Lexie that I agreed with her, but it wasn't the Down Syndrome that made me love Annabelle so much that it dripped out of my heart, because I loved HER as much as I love Annabelle, and Lexie doesn't have Down Syndrome.

May all of us love so much and so purely.

Like I need another reason.

Annabelle has been achieving her milestones at a pace different from those of typically developing kids. She achieved the operating-a-pump-dispenser milestone just a few days ago, right when she was dressed for school, and sitting in a puddle of shampoo.

I took Angelina to soccer practice, leaving Doug in charge of two little people. Lexie and Annabelle were hanging out, watching TV when Annabelle achieved her taking-off-the-diaper milestone. He didn't notice, however as she was wearing a dress. It was, however, shortly after dinner. The trampoline is in front of the TV, so she decided to go for a bounce. This, along with dinner inspired her little intestines. Annabelle dropped a load and kept bouncing. She doesn't get grossed out -- she hasn't hit that developmental milestone -- so she just kept bouncing. Doug didn't notice until she'd traipsed a trail across the carpet.

I got home after things had been scrubbed with a toothbrush and 409. When he told me I thought I'd fall over from laughing so hard! I told Doug now he knew what kind of things happened during those days when he came home and I looked frazzled and nothing seemed to have been accomplished.

Like I need another reason to love this kid!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Not in my job description!

I didn't realize, when I took on the role of Mommy that there would be so many things in my job description that I didn't expect.

Sure I've swabbed poopy behinds, and more puke than I care to recount. Sure I've dealt with squabbling and screamers, but I expected that.

The latest one that has me flummoxed... Sea monkeys. Every kid growing up who has ever seen a comic book has seen the ad in the back for sea monkeys. You didn't have red blood in your veins if you didn't want your own tiny tank of sea monkeys. My sister in law got some serious "cool aunt" points for getting the girls sea monkeys for Christmas.

We've successfully raised them. We've even successfully bred them and there are baby sea monkeys swimming around now. Of course with this duration of success, the tank was getting a little gross, so I dumped in some fresh water, but how to get rid of the goop on the bottom? I thought back to my days of having an aquarium and remembered the vacuume sucky thing that cleaned out the bottom and came upon the idea of using a miniature version thereof, to wit, a straw. I thought I could just delicately suck sea monkey poop up into the straw a couple of inches and then blow it out into the sink.

It was a good plan.

I sucked too hard and wound up with sea monkey poop IN MY MOUTH!

I have now found the limits to my dedication to my children. Their sea monkeys can drown in their own poop, but I'm not cleaning that thing again.

I want HER kind of handicap!

Annabelle is amazing. Sure, she's "handicapped" but on some level or other, who isn't? Her's just has a lable, Down Syndrome. Interestingly enough, you give her a playground, or a room full of people, she'll pick the people every time. She'll high five that guy, then give this dude a hug, then climb into that woman's lap, and giggle with the little girl over there. And heaven help you if there's music, she won't stop dancing even when the music stops. The great thing about it is she doesn't realize that "that guy" is actually a jerk, or that "this dude" is a wife beater, or that "that woman" is a manipulative bitch. She doesn't see the subtexts that make people dislike each other. She's just happy and wants everyone to join her in it.

If that's a handicap, I want it.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Lost tooth

Angelina lost her second upper incisor this morning, courtesy of Annabelle, who kicked it out.

Angelina asked what the tooth fairy's name is.

I told her I didn't know. She was shocked. "I thought grown ups knew everything."

At least she's only seven. When she's 14, I just hope she thinks I know anything!

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

History Lesson

So this morning I was telling the girls some stories about history. The topic was "resistance behaviors." This is the behavior engaged in by slaves, prisoners, and conscripted soldiers to sabotage the mission of the oppressor. I went on with examples. Breaking machines needed to do their work, bodily fluids in foods, and such like.

Lexie left the room.

I told Ina that I was telling them about resistance behaviors because I had discovered someone engaging in resistance behavior AGAINST HER. You should have seen her face. Complete shock. I told her she should imagine what I saw the other day. A naked blonde four year old bouncing up and down all over her bed with a grin from ear to ear. This wouldn't be a big deal except for the hundreds of times Ina's made a HUGE fuss about how she doesn't want "Lexie butt germs" on her bed.

Lexie had no intention of being discovered by me (I just gave her a hairy eyeball and tried not to laugh out loud), she had no intention of boasting about it to Ina. (Bounce, bounce, grin.) She was just deriving calm quiet satisfaction of getting back at Ina without Ina even knowing it. (Bounce, bounce -- hey, I should make sure to hit the pillow -- grin.) She would never have bothered even doing it if it weren't for Ina's hystrionics about it.

Ina actually thought it was pretty funny and proposed that she pee on Lexie's pillow.

I showed her by pushing our hands together, that either person can decide to give up causing the pressure on our hands. Either I, the oppressor, could stop oppressing, or she, the resister could stop. So if she STOPPED CARING about "Lexie butt germs" then maybe Lexie would have no reason to bounce naked, grinning like a canary eating cat on her bed.

Heaven help me if they start perceiving ME as the one to be resisted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Bubble bees

At Angelina's birthday party we had a bubble machine. Lexie shouted excitedly, "Oh LOOK, They're bubble bees!"
The girls were talking about ages...

Ina -- you're 55 now, right?

Me -- give her the hairy eyeball

Ina -- OH, you're FORTY five, right?

Me -- Yeah, you're gonna wanna get that right.

Ina -- (trying to fix her faux pas) I wish you were sixty hundred and eighty five.

Lex -- That would be the level of DEAD...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Need a new Costco

Thursday. Doug leaves for hunting. Nothing unusual...

Ina started throwing up within hours of his leaving. This lasted all night. At least she had the good grace to throw up on his side of the bed. I encourage his hunting, but the prospect of having all three kids puking was not something I was looking forward to while he was gone.

I had to keep her home from school, but I was also out of soy milk -- the only kind Annabelle drinks. I was also out of thickener, and with her issues, all her liquids have to be thickened. So considering that within hours I could easily have all three kids and/or myself worshipping the porcelin goddess, I decided we should go to Costco, buy the "going west" pack of thickener and a couple of cases of soy milk. With these supplies we could hunker down with buckets and towels until daddy came home. At least that was my plan.

Angelina had kept breakfast down for a couple of hours and the window of opportunity between waking and Annabelle's nap was closing. I loaded them up in the car. About a mile from exit for Costco, Angelina started moaning. No matter how many times I say "use your words" in situations such as these, she persists in just moaning. And what an insensitive mother am I that I bark at a wretching kid "USE YOUR WORDS!" I have experience with car barfing as I had very bad all-day-sickness with each of my pregnancies.

I had a cup from the prior day's McDonald's run in the cup holder. I dumped the left over soda out the window. If you've ever done this at freeway speeds, you not only piss of other drivers, but a goodly percentage winds up all over and back IN your car. Annabelle wound up with a soda shower. Angelina managed to puke IN the cup and I figured that the episode had passed and was probably the last one. Yeah, right.

She obviously felt better, and I was still in a pickle about the soy milk and thickener, so I figured we'd soldier on to Costco. Apparently she really DID feel better as I heard "Mommy, can I try that?" as we walked past all the samples. WHAT was I THINKING? Sure enough she starts feeling punky. I had two kids in the shopping cart so I put her in my back pack. I know it's weird looking, but she still fits at nearly seven years old and isn't much past the 40 pound weight limit.

I rushed to the check out and was loading the groceries on the band when I heard -- you guessed it -- moaning. The kid is STRAPPED TO MY BACK! I had no plausible deniability. ("that's not MY kid puking over there") I couldn't just get out of line, half the stuff was on the band. Of course because she was behind me, I couldn't see how bad off she was. I asked her where her cup was (we'd brought it in from the car) and instantly the expressions of nauseated sympathy of those around me turned as they realized that I had come prepared and thereby KNEW she was sick.

I heard a splash.

There was puke on the floor, on her boots, on me, and a little in the cup. If it weren't that it would have pissed her off, I would have laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all. The bagger was NOT happy as he came over with rubber gloves on and a roll of paper towels. I quickly loaded everything else, paid and made for the exit.

Lexie, seeing that we were fleeing Costco as if my butt were on fire, shouted "But Mommy! Why aren't we stopping for a hot dog?"

I am definitely going to a different Costco for the next few months!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Off the charts!

A neighborhood boy mispronounced my name, as so many do. I became "Eleven." I told him that was on a scale of 1 - 10. Some days I just crack myself up. Then it's even funnier when I'm the only one laughing and an 8 year old is looking confused.

Re-programming

I jokingly tapped on Lexie's forehead, pretending it was the computer and I was programming her to remember not to touch her sisters during a meal -- something I have to say EVERY meal. When I was done, she poked her head and said "Mommy, I pushed 'delete'." I asked her if she wanted me to use the big button on her butt.