Angelina has been having FLASH training. It stands for Family Life And Sexual Health. At fifth grade, it makes sense since their bodies are working up to The.Big.Change. Some of her compatriots are already well on their way, but Angelina being an athletic, slender girl is showing no signs. She is also showing no signs of interest in knowing any of this. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth at the prospect, to the point that I went and viewed the entire curriculum -- required if we wanted to opt her out -- just to see if she could handle it. The options were go to the class put on by the local hospital or this one at school with her absolutely fabulous teacher Mr. Laing. Yes, he's male, and teaching HER sex ed, but I'd much rather have that than have the kids separated by gender as is one of the other options. Some random female teacher doesn't understand my kid like this guy does. He is patient, kind, sensitive and really gets it when a kid is zoning out or the topic has hit the dreaded TMI zone.
So winning the prize for the MOST SURREAL MOMENT IN PARENTING is the following: I woke up with a headache before my alarm. The kids were still asleep but Doug was stirring. My favorite remedy for a headache is a bit of marital bliss, and it's always a great way to start the day.
Cut to the alarm for going to wake up the kids. As is always the case, the "wake up gently" 15 minutes in the schedule is the time when we chat. Trying to get the kids to be proactive about their thought processes I asked them what kind of day they wanted to have. Met with snoozy "what?" I explained. "Well, I started the day with a headache, but it's a beautiful day, Daddy helped me get rid of my headache, I can hear birds chirping, I went to bed listening to the frogs. Frogs always make me happy." The list continued, but of course, the thing that the kids keyed on was "Daddy helped me with my headache." Angelina popped up, started vigorously massaging my temples and asked "What did Daddy do to help your headache? Was it massage?" "Uh, kinda like that. Yeah." Nothing would placate her and it all aroused Lexie's curiosity, so now I had TWO kids wanting to know.
I've been trying to keep Lexie 8 and Angelina 10, but of course that never really works. Lexie trotted off to the bathroom, and because Angelina has been so reluctant to hear anything FLASH related, I've been deliberately pushing the envelope with her. "Okay, if you want to know, Daddy and I had sex. That always helps me with a headache." This was very EWWWWW-worthy to her and of course she immediately stopped massaging my temples which was starting a new headache anyway. I admonished her NOT to tell Lexie. As if.
After the morning kerfluffle of getting Annabelle off to school we have about an hour of "activity of choice" time. That's when I get dressed and the kids can do crafts or read. Angelina found me in our bedroom getting dressed and asked "What would you say to Lexie about how Daddy fixed your headache?" Fourteen years of interview and interrogation skills came out and reading her face I said "You already told her, didn't you?" Her face said it all. "LEXIE!" She trotted in. "Do you have any questions about how Daddy helped me with my headache?" "No." Says she. "If it helped with your headache it's gotta be okay, right?" Before I could get a word out Angelina began objecting. And as is often the case, when they get involved in an argument with each other, I can't get their attention short of blasting them with a fire hose.
So this brings us to the MOST SURREAL MOMENT IN PARENTING when my kids, in arguing with each other began wrestling on the very same bed, one arguing that Mommy and Daddy having sex was cool, and the other arguing that it was gross.
Things that make you shake your head!
